Look at your current relationship and honestly answer these questions.

• Are you or your children afraid of your partner?
• Do you sometimes lie to family and friends to cover up your partner's abusiveness?
• Do you have to be careful of what you say and do so that your partner doesn't get angry?
• Despite your efforts to please, does your partner constantly criticize you?
• Does your partner embarrass you in front of family and friends?
• Does your partner threaten you, grab you, shove you, or hit you?
• Does your partner check up on you, such as setting time limits on your trips to and from the store and other places you visit?
• Does your partner prevent you from spending time with your family or friends?
• Do you stay with your partner because you are afraid of what your partner would do if you broke up?
• Does your partner unjustly and repeatedly accuse you of having affairs or flirting?
• Does your partner not allow you to earn or keep your own money?
• Has your partner ever destroyed your personal property or other sentimental items?
• Does your partner manipulate you with lies and threats?
• Are you beginning to believe all the terrible things your partner accuses you of and says about you?

Abuse in many violent relationships occurs in a pattern:

• Tension-building. The abuser becomes frustrated and angry. They may swear at, criticize, or threaten the victim. During this time, the victim feels the need to keep peace in the relationship and may minimize the incidents. Many describe this time as "walking on eggshells."
  
• Violence. Tension builds to the point where physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse occurs.
  
• Making Up. The abuser may apologize for their actions, bring gifts, or promise to change. They may make excuses, blame the victim for causing the abuse, or deny that the abuse took place. They may ask for another chance. The victim may believe that the abuse will stop.Often, it happens more frequently and may become more severe.